What is it like to be a Veteran?

This year, in honor of Veterans Day, we asked for some perspective from retired Colonel Lawrence A. Edwards (PhD, ABPP) and his wife Colleen Edwards (Windermere Abode’s Compliance Manager). They have graciously shared some thoughts with us below.

At the end of this post, you’ll also find links to local resources for Veterans plus two Inside Abode episodes that discuss some of the challenges they face after their service.

Not all veterans have seen combat, and even those who have often emphasize that their service involved much more—logistics, engineering, medical care, intelligence, and humanitarian missions. Every role contributes to the mission. Everyone must train as hard as they fight. And casualties are not just on the battlefield. Danger is part of the fabric of service.

It’s also not a game. Being in the service isn’t the same as playing Call of Duty. The rigorous training, drills, the broad spectrum of physical, mental, and tactical conditioning required to prepare for all contingencies that is wrapped in a thick layer of discipline, and rule cannot be fully understood by anyone who isn’t it. The consequences of such are real.

The values of discipline, loyalty, and sacrifice are deeply ingrained. Veterans often miss the sense of mission and brotherhood, and wish civilians understood how formative that culture is.

Service members miss birthdays, holidays, weddings, and funerals, and by extension so do their families. Service members are usually pretty good at looking out for their own, but that’s not always possible during large deployments and trainings. For families it’s like recovering from surgery, except no one brings soup. If civilians organized to take care of spouses, and family members with chores, or meals, or genuine understanding for the hardship and stress families were experiencing, it would lighten the load for the families and reduce the stress for the service members.

Leaving the military can be disorienting. Veterans often face challenges in finding purpose, employment, and community. The structure and camaraderie of military life are hard to replicate. Civilian life and the pursuit of money seem soulless and a violation of the honor and integrity integral to military service. There are only a small number of organizations/corporations that truly attempt to bridge the gap between service and civilian jobs in a non-military contract or law enforcement capacity. The rest just give lip service.

Physical injuries are easier to recognize, but invisible wounds—like trauma or survivor’s guilt—can be just as debilitating. Veterans hope civilians will be mindful of this when interacting with them.

Mental health is a real and ongoing battle. Many veterans deal with PTSD, anxiety, depression, or moral injury. They wish civilians understood that these are not signs of weakness, but consequences of intense experiences—and that support and empathy matter more than judgment. Feelings of guilt, disappointment, and failure weigh heavily on service members and can often bleed into interpersonal relationships, and success at work.

Veterans may have different views on war, politics, and patriotism. Serving doesn’t mean they always agree with government decisions, and many wish civilians wouldn’t make assumptions about their beliefs.

While “thank you for your service” is appreciated, many veterans say they’d prefer deeper engagement—asking about their experiences, listening without judgment, or supporting veteran causes.